I know this post should have been up yesterday, but I am just writing it now because I have allowed the feeling that was woven through the love-filled day to really sink in and mature just a bit.
My roommate and I have been watching Mozart in the Jungle. We like classical music, but we also really enjoy the eccentric and easy-going persona of Gael García Bernal (playing in any role, but his role as the Maestro, has us enthralled every single episode). In one particular episode he talks about trust and how it is the highest cliff one can fall from. Or in Francisco de Quevedo´s own words: “El mayor despeñadero, la confianza.” Quevedo, a Spanish poet and writer from the Siglo de Oro or the Spanish Golden Age. This particular quote stuck with me and upon meditating on it, it has come to me that it may not be, in fact, a cliff that we fall from, but a mountain that we climb. The mountain of trust that we climb by ourselves, with others, on our own two feet, being dragged, limping, whatever. And we never quite reach the top of the mountain, we are always climbing, we are always building trust, and the higher we get, the more difficult the climb becomes, but the more experienced we are. So in falling, if that were to happen on our expedition, we know what to do, we know who to turn to, we have our first-aid kit and are able to take out the supplies we need to nurse ourselves back to health. Then, we can eventually regain our footing and keep climbing.
I think this idea of trust has much to do with how we cultivate and engage in love. And for me, the idea of trust via getting out of your comfort zone is one of the qualities of love. Below is a rough sketch of some of my ideas on love, including another nature metaphor.
An energy that fills us and depletes us.
Like the very air we breathe.
We pour our energy into loving others and this energy sometimes leaves us saturated and heavy.
Or empty and incomplete.
We are filled, we are depleted, and the cycle begins again.
It is unpredictable and sometimes unrequited
It makes me think about the last time I was in love
Six months ago,
With someone that enjoyed his own company more than my own.
And then that love dissipated, although the love lesson remained.
A thoughtful hug from a friend that cares about us
A call from a loved one that makes us feel like we matter
A smile from a stranger in the middle of winter
on the first day in a while that feels like spring.
Love is a student as well as a teacher.
We teach ourselves how to love and we have to teach others
What we need, what we want, what we don’t yet know.
It is a curious force that takes us out of our comfort zone
And plops us down outside of our zone of proximal development
And then we must sink into it or swim back to safety.
I want to sink into love and uncover its infinite depths
One meter of ocean at a time.
Love is many things…and sometimes dichotomous things. A poem by Quevedo, in Spanish, that is entitled Definición del amor also alludes to the yin and yang of love. Maybe you’ll enjoy this poem too. I won’t try my hand at translating it because it is a Petrarchan sonnet and I don’t want to screw up the rhyme scheme or meter.
Much love to you all!